Radiotherapy halfway

18/08

Dear friends,
10 sessions of radiotherapy down, 10 to go! So far few side effects. We'll see what happens the next 2weeks. Actually it's only 5more days on the whole breasts then 5 days focused on the tumor beds.
I wrote the editorial for the church outline for last Sunday and Phil suggested I also post it on the blog, so here it is:

What is it that you fear? What are the things that fill your prayers?
I remember as a child being fearful of dying - I would have times when I would start thinking about death & about not existing anymore for ever. It would scare me so much I just had to decide to stop thinking about it. I remember my prayers as I walked to school consisted of asking God to look after my family & keep them safe.
Our deepest fears are usually tied up with the fear of bad news. Something awful happening to someone in our family, something awful happening to us. Cancer. The diagnosis strikes fear in us. It was my initial reflex response when I was diagnosed . Fear of how bad this might be, fear of what this means for me, for my family.
But for us as Christians we do not need to fear.
Psalm 112 says about the one who fears The Lord : He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. (Psalm 112:7 ESV)
 Yes there will be bad news because we live in a fallen world and as Christians we do not escape the fallenness, but we are not to live fearing bad news.
Our initial response to bad news may be fear, but as we remember the one in whom we trust, fear is replaced by trust. The key to not fearing is not how great our trust is but rather how great is the One in whom we trust.
Fear dissolves as we focus on the greatness of our God, the one who has called us to know Him, the one who loves us so much He sent His only son to die for us so that we might be able to find forgiveness & eternal life, the one who cares for us so much in this life that He has his good purposes for us in everything we go through. I cannot know all of what God's good purposes are in what I am going through but I do know that part of it is to refine me & change me to become more like Jesus, preparing me for an eternity of life with Him forever.

What a blessing it is to not be the one in the driver's seat of our lives but rather to have a much better driver who knows the best direction for our lives to take, for our good and the good of others.

The well known verse in Proverbs 3:5-6 keeps coming back to me : Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5, 6 ESV) . We so often live as if we are in charge of our lives therefore it is a blessing from God to be thrown into situations outside our control which direct us to the One who really is in control, and to be challenged to put our trust in Him no matter what the future holds.

As I reflect on my response to what I have gone through so far it has brought home to me the importance of knowing God's word. The years of sitting under faithful Bible teaching, of pouring over God's word preparing for Bible study, of spending personal time with God in His word, have stood me in good stead to face hard times because I know God's counsel on this.  It makes sense and it has strengthened & encouraged  me through it all.

Through the diagnosis and ongoing treatment for cancer I have been immeasurably blessed by God. My trust in Him has been strengthened as He has reminded me through His word which I have read & others have brought to me, of His great promises. We have been blessed by the love & care of friends & family & especially God's family who have upheld us in many ways but especially through  prayer. Thank you to all of you who have been a part of that.

Love Jill